Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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