well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
