The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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