I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
