ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
