either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
