8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
