If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
