remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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