Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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