the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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