we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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