if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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