My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
