I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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