You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
