the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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