I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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