so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
