I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
