Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
