i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
