im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
