i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
