My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
