he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
