Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
