Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
