"it" just moved
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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