I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
