# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
