he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
