He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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