i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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