Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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