I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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