I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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