More tranny stories later!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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