i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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