dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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