dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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