you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
