Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
