I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
