dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
