so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
