I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I want is dick and wine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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