You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
