i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
