Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
