Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
