And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i drank out of a bidet.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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