dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
