Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
