Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
MIDGETS
????
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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