I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
