I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Two words: nipple clamps
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