why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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