Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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