Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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