kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
