Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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