I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Drake has all the answers
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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