i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
