i jhust puked up my retainher.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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