I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is it fun? or sober?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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