I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
