Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
