he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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