I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
