he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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